References are the people who vouch for our performance and professional bearing. A potential employer will usually ask for references in the course of selecting a final candidate for a position.
People often ask me who succeeds — in making a career change, starting a business, or landing a job. The short answer is that anyone who keeps trying eventually succeeds. The longer answer is that successful clients cultivate a set of attitudes that support their efforts.
The good news is that anyone can incorporate the attitudes described below into their life, and one of the goals of our work together is to help you to more readily adopt these attitudes. These are the key to your career success:
“I am committed.”
I recognize that making a career change or finding a new job takes time and effort. I know that I need to set aside time to achieve my goals, and I know where I will find that time in my schedule. I understand that the amount of progress I make is directly related to the amount and consistency of effort that I put forward.
“I will practice resilience.”
I know that the ability to keep going in the face of disappointments and setbacks is a critical skill. I recognize that a career change or a job search will engender many uncomfortable emotions, from fear and anxiety to sadness and anger. I understand that feelings are real, but they are not facts. I know that emotions will pass, and I will practice holding onto my goals despite the waves of emotions that wash over me. Resilience is a skill, and I can use my career process to improve this skill.
“I will be open and curious.”
I will cultivate a state of openness to possibilities. I will not assume that I know everything. I will not predict the outcome of events, but will move forward with an open mind, curious to see how things will go this time. I will be willing to learn about new ways to do things. I know that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome” and will focus on trying new and different things.
“I will be compassionate.”
I know that I am human, and to be human is to be imperfect. I will be compassionate towards myself as I go through this process. I will give myself permission to make mistakes, and I will recognize when I am blaming and shaming myself. I also understand that the many people I will interact with are human, too, and that their failures towards me are not judgments of me. I will strive to be kind and gentle with myself and with others.
“I will be responsible.”
I know that I am not to blame for everything that goes wrong in my life, but I also understand that I often play a part in the things that happen to me. I will take full responsibility for my life, and the decisions that I make for myself. I understand that power and responsibility are forever linked, and that if I do not accept responsibility for my life, I will not have the power to lead the life I desire. I will accept the consequences of my actions, and that includes understanding that I have played a role in the many positive and successful things that have happened to me.
THE COUNSELOR’S ROLE
These are attitudes to strive for — none of us manage to approach the world from these mindsets every minute of every day. My role as your career counselor is to help you develop and strengthen these characteristics: to identify the small and doable steps that you can implement immediately that will expand your confidence in your ability to approach the world with these attitudes.
With practice, you will develop new pathways in your brain for compassion, commitment, resilience, curiosity, and responsibility. My task is to keep you focused on your goal, point out when it seems that you are off course, and support you on your journey.
